An Open Letter to the United States of America
Hey there America, It’s me, your pal George W. Bush. I just wanted to write in and say that y’all did one heckuva job Tuesday night. Elections, much like my time as Commando in Chief, are about bringing people together; and you did just that America, when Republicans and Tea-Partiers joined hands (in a completely plutonic way) to give those Nancy Pelosi-types the boot and take the House back. I feel this is a victory for America, a victory for Freedom, and most importantly, a victory for me (take that San Francisco Giants!). By putting Republicans back in charge of the House, you sent that Bracket Osama a message: real Americans love Bush! Like I told those liberal media-types on my way back to Texas, I’ll let history do the decider-ing on my presidency; and boy did history ever decide! The economic collapse, Wall-Street and corporate bailouts, Iraq, Katrina, Cliff Lee’s poor World Series pitching and cooties – that’s all on the new guy; while my legacy stands alongside those of other great Deciders like James Garfield, William McKinley, and David Palmer. So once again, thanks America, and History, you’re a stand-up bunch of guys lettin’ me off the hook like that. Now…watch me hit this drive.
George W. Bush